Where I’m At.

•  23.January.2013

One of the things that happens when you become a business owner is that you learn pretty stinking quickly the things about yourself that aren’t quite ideal. Over the past 2+ years it has certainly come to my attention that I suck at celebrating the small stuff. How quickly I overlook/speed past what’s going “well”, to instantly & endlessly focus on what’s not. Those accomplished firsts/great successes/enormous triumphs not celebrated, but rather and quite often, twisted and morphed in my mind to be something that could have even still gone better, been more, lead to something further. Always, always, always looking towards “what’s next.”

The past two weeks have really been monumental. I don’t often even use that word or look at week long periods of my life as “successes”. But if I really stop for five bloody minutes to see how far I’ve come since leaving my career in nursing and embarking on the great unknown, the last two weeks of my life have signified some pretty powerful stuff.

It’s always a little scary to know how honest to be on this blog, but as a means of being more transparent, I’ll share that I’ve been struggling with “where I’m at” as a small business for a really really long time. From an outsiders perspective it may appear that the last two years have gone really well, and in many, many respects they have. But there are also those aspects of my business that feel like major failures. I was inspired after reading this post last night by my dear friend Andie about the concept of “failing up”. I will be making some really drastic changes with my brands in the coming weeks, and have feared that these changes and the things I’m leaving “behind” will not be viewed as a “choice of change” but might rather be deemed as failures. But as Andie mentioned in her own post, many of these negative comments associated with change that we repeat over and over in our own heads, are merely born of our own precarious thinking. If I’m honest with myself I know I consistently question whether those things that pang me most about my businesses are reflections of failure, but should rather maybe just see them as a transition of growth and choice for something new and different. I often expect that the path I’m on has finally got to be the “right one” rarely considering that this path might just simply be leading me on to a new one –  maybe even “THE” one.

After reading Andie’s post, I’m choosing to view these upcoming changes as a degree of “failing up”. There are portions of my brand that just aren’t working for me anymore. Not for me, not for my work/life balance, and not for my feelings of accomplishment, success and fulfillment. So many times in my life I have viewed transitions and moving on to new things as an indicator that there is something I’m failing at (hence the need for change) rather than seeing it as something I am just choosing not to keep doing. The aspects of my brands that I’m moving away from really are choices and not failures when I allow myself grace, and look at everything that’s changing with an open heart and open mind. I could easily keep doing those parts of my brand that don’t feel quite right anymore, but really if they aren’t making me happy what’s the point? AND the most enticing part of it all is that I know in my gut all of these changes are for the right reasons, and that they will inevitably make me feel more confident and create better opportunities that feel right (hence that failing “up” concept). AND I’m REALLY REALLY REALLY excited for what’s to come as a result of all the change. Plus, the past two weeks have provided an endless stream of confirmation that the decisions and changes I’m making with my brand this year are the RIGHT ones.

One of those things that felt “oh so right” when all was said and done these past two weeks was my recent collaboration with Jasmine. I can’t even put into words how much I admire this woman as an entrepreneur and fellow creative, and any chance I have to create with her is a total dream. This particular project allowed me to do all the things I love so much and really solidified SO MANY feelings I’ve been having for the past few months – what a blessing eh?. I’m so grateful that JD took this picture – he probably has no idea what I see when I look at this image. I see a smile on my face that is genuine in more ways than one. I see a creative friend who so selflessly gave up a day in her week to help me when I need it (Julie I’m so incredibly thankful for your friendship!). I see hard work – a kernel of an idea blossoming to life in a little over a week’s time. I see growth – I reflect on my styling work from the past and feel joyous of how far I’ve come. I see transition and happy change. I see exactly the role I want to live out day after day in the creative industry. I see generosity in the kind rental contributors of the shoot. I see collaboration with people I not only admire greatly but consider dear friends. I see the love my husband has for me every time he leaves the house for work so that I can keep pushing towards my dreams. I see myself – my true, honest self – that person I wanted to be all those years ago but was too afraid to fight for.

I’ll be sharing many more images from this shoot, as well as all the changes happening with myself and my brands more formally in the coming weeks. Until then I think I’m going to continue taking some time to smile and celebrate all of the successes big and small over the past two years. Change has ALWAYS been tough for me, but I’m realizing that with change comes immense growth and the possibility of finding something I didn’t even know I was looking for in the first place.

photo credit : {jasmine star photography}

 21.

21 Comments

23.January.2013

Wow, this post really resonated with me, thanks for sharing. I decided a year ago to start working for myself as an interior designer and open a webshop (still in the making…). If – like you – you take the less obvious path to make a living, it is sometimes hard not to see things that don’t work as a failure. In my experience though things that haven’t “worked” have always led to opportunities I could never have dreamed up myself – so I TOTALLY get where you are coming from. And once you let go of stuff that was perhaps right but not anymore, and do that willingly and by choice, it is very free-ing. I do hope you will continue to blog, I love your posts and am very curious to see what you are up to next. Good luck!!!

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jenn

Oh my gosh AnneMarie – you are SO SO right. Thank you so much for your comment and the reminder and validation of how letting go of certain things can open up the doors for opportunities that are a better fit. Good luck to you as well!!

23.January.2013

Adore you. Truly. Can’t wait for what the future holds for you!!

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23.January.2013

Love you and I’m so excited for you!!!

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23.January.2013

No doubt you will succeed at anything you do. You are one of the hardest working, sincere, sweetest faces I know. Stay inspired. xoxo

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jenn

Thank you Nicole! I admire and adore you to pieces so your faith in me is so awesome! Thank YOU!

23.January.2013

Hard to believe change is hard for you, because you pull it off so well! I know you’re headed in the right direction because you’re listening to your heart. I believe in you!

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jenn

Thank you sweet Julia! So glad we have had the chance to become friends. Your support is so important to me!

23.January.2013

Beautiful, Jenn! What a great image. So happy for you and love watching your company grow:)

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jenn

Thank you Kelly! Big hugs to you!!

23.January.2013

Lovely, inspiring post. A tost with champagne for decisions taken, upcoming changes and growth!

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jenn

Thank you Vero! Means SO much!

23.January.2013

Such a great post, really resonated with me so thanks for being so honest! Excited to see the new changes ahead for you!

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jenn

Awww I’m so happy to hear that Ciara! Thanks for being such a loyal contributor to the conversation on my blog! I’m hopeful we’ll get the chance to meet someday!

[...] this post from Jenn on the Scout blog. It’s all about celebrating the small stuff, challenging [...]

Jenn, so proud of you on this decision to follow your gut & pursue your REAL dreams! You know I admire your work & have no doubt you’ll be incredibly successful in this new adventure! XO

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jenn

Thank you Katie! Your support has been so generous and I’m so happy to know you! That email is coming soon I PROMISE! xoxo!

You’re amazing Jenn! So excited for the adventure ahead of you!! xoxo

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25.January.2013

You are such an amazing and inspiring person. What you said last night about wanting to make sure you touched base with me before I read this post really meant a lot since you truly care about people’s feelings and how you affect your relationships. I’m so so excited for you and whats next and I know we’ll still work together in whatever way makes sense :)

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jenn

Have I ever told you how much I adore you?!?! Thank you for your endless support dear friend – means the world!!

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